I've taken quite the break from blogging lately because I haven't had anything productive to report out. In fact, I have been quite the opposite of positive and productive lately. I've lacked most motivation to push it at the gym, bursting into tears during a workout has become a reality that is far too close for comfort, my food habits have been sliding, my self image has been in the toilet.... And all this imbalance directly relates back to the stress in my life.
One thing I know about myself is I am a creature of habit; so when things start moving in new directions, I tend to go into full panic mode. So, as my job description changes daily, and my personal life gets blown wide open and I'm told to deal with it, I fall right back to my old habits of food and emotional incompetence. I have been an absolute wreck, but I've decided, it's time to take my life back.
Though I've let myself slip, I have not gained any weight back and I am still hitting the gym; so I've decided that is something to focus on and be proud of. And, as I regain focus and determine what's most important as I move forward with my life (being an adult really isn't all it's cracked out to be), taking care of me needs to move much closer to the top of my list. I've realized if I'm unhappy, I am the only one who can change that. So if it means a new friend, a new apartment or house, a new job, a new car, or simply asking for help.... Whatever the big problem may be, I can change it if it's what I need to do to feel comfortable and happy again.
In a cardio boot camp class Tuesday night that my trainer was instructing, he asked us to think of our happy place, outside of that room and keep our focus there as we kicked it up yet another notch. I almost laughed out loud when I thought to myself, "this hot, sweaty box of a room is my happy place." I think that's when things really started clicking for me; I am able to find a place where things are okay. Especially if I can find happiness in a room full of sweaty people, boxes for plyometrics, heavier weights for me than for any other person in the class (including the men), and only three 30 second breaks to 'catch our breath' in a 45 minute, high intensity workout. If I can get through that and enjoy it at the same time (I know, I'm weird...), I should be quite able to find happiness in the other 'difficult' areas of life. So, time to start working on life again!
