Binging

I have an eating disorder, and it's called binge eating. I always knew it was in there, and came out to visit when something went wrong. But, I've recently noticed it comes out when everything is completely okay. As I sit back and think about it, something finally occurs to me. It's a HUGE, blinking neon sign that says - Quit being so fixated on what you can and can not eat!!! I tend to hit the diet so hard and so extreme, that I finally fizzle out; and the fizzle is more like a gigantic sonic boom of eating.

Through my whole life, I have been dedicated to doing everything right, even perfectly if possible. Obviously, I've created some stress fractures over time, and they are opening up wide in the form of eating whatever I can find. I can't keep doing this. I can't tell myself, "you can't have this," or, "you're not allowed." I have to allow myself a little flexibility if I ever intend to truly succeed.

In my first two years of college, I was the healthiest, and weighed less then I ever imagined possible, and in no way was I an extremest about my diet. I ate small meals throughout the course of the day, and had a little ice cream when I felt like it. I hit the gym just like I do now, but in all honesty, maybe a little less. And, I was in amazing condition. It's time to realize that's where I need to go. I don't need to starve myself on 1200 calories a day, and I don't need to completely pull myself off anything and everything that is 'bad' for me. I just need to relax a little, cheat (a little) when I need to, and move forward knowing I can have whatever I want, but I chose to listen to my body and eat only when I'm hungry. And when I'm hungry, only eat until I'm full. I can do this!